ALRIGHT

So, my name is Parnell, and there is a new way to be safe on the internet.

This blog!

Remember when people wanted to keep their identities all hidden, because rapists were going to jump through AOL chat and rape them? Now it is just children on PictoChat in malls getting drawings of really veiny penises that we're supposed to be completely afraid of, and they forgot to keep warning us about rapists.

See, I just reminded you about internet rapists and how strong they can be. If you were not reading this blog you would not be as safe. That's what we at BE CAREFUL ON THE INTERNET are here to get you up on: safety!

Internet tips are only the first step of the iceberg. There will be huge changes coming, if I can get my friend who lives with me -- we call him "Mr. Computer Science" -- to make us a better website. Here's the thing, we're starting with a guide, then we're gong to save you from the internet by building our own internet!

Look, if you want to look up movies and end up seeing a picture of a guy with a pretty big battery sticking out of his skull (I can't believe I even came up with that) instead of a picture of Johnny Depp singing about Sweeny Todd (have you seen that movie yet please tell me how it is in the comments section), then keep using other websites besides this one. Go be my guest.

Or you can just be my guest, and use the safe internet, first on this blog, and soon on a place probably also called BE CAREFUL ON THE INTERNET (I didn't hyperlink that because that websites doesn't exist yet because it would be different from this one) where you get everything that is cool about the normal internet except without dangerous websites where you can accidentally get information to rapists.

OKAY

Three!

Two!

One!

You can ignore the text about families and exploring, because that isn't what BE CAREFUL ON THE INTERNET is all about.

Ever since my grandpa died (R.I.P., Harman! I never called you that when you were alive so I hope I can now) I've been looking for great meanings in everything, especially the internet, which has always been pretty scary. I went and asked my friends what they were afraid of, and they all said the internet, except my housemate who said bats were much scarier, but that the internet was still very high on a scale of what is scary. So I want to make the internet a safer place for everybody. I'm a grown man now, and it's time I start using my skills to better the world.


As you can see, the world is a very large place!

There are lots of fun things in the world, but bad things, too. A man e-mailed me with pictures of beach balls covered in brown stuff that I'm pretty sure was mud but it was still kind of gross. I would have shown those pictures to my mom, in another lifetime.

I guess I didn't want to wait around for another lifetime anymore. I wanted real action, the kind hackers do, except I didn't want to break anything or get sent to jail, or have to learn how to do much, or anything like that. I can re-attach keys to my keyboard when they fall out, that's about the best techno work I've done in years!

So I'm here to save the internet, and I'll show you how.