Monday, August 18, 2008

ComPLETEly gross!!

Do you guys remember my friend Russ from a few months ago? I call him Russ-From-Upstairs now, because we live in the same house and don't talk to each other much anymore. I heard him watching Hardcore Pornography upstairs and he had it on so loud that it woke me and my dog up and really gave me the willies until I could figure out what it was!

I knocked on his door but he just put down the volume and pretended I wasn't there. WELL EVERYBODY KNOWS NOW, RUSS-FROM-UPSTAIRS.

I got an e-mail everybody!!


Here is the e-mail I just recently received thanks to my post asking about sleeping dogs:

"hey parnell

you should tuck him in. does he only wake up when you are making noises though?


Thanks for typing in, "Don-Don"! As a "Friend of the Blog," "Don-Don," you know that I always tuck my dog in. And he always gets up! I told him that 9PM was his bedtime (Central Time). He still gets up.

Good point about making noises at the dog. I actually only do that when I want to see if he's only pretending to sleep. I am pretty sure he does that sometimes just to make me mad about something! Especially when I don't give him the dog treats that are his favorite!

Thanks for writing in, "Don-Don"!

This is Parnell, Signing Off!

About something else everybody.

I am tired of talking about the ordeal that I had. I'm back into the public, so let's get crackin' on that, people!

I met a new friend (NOT a stalker thank you very much) named Don-Don, who I mentioned was the one who gave me the idea to give cigarettes to the stalker. Don-Don is called that even though none of his names are Don (his name is Donald)! He makes great food most of the time, and he's very nice to his family except for his brother Patrick.

He's 33 years old (I am not that old yet!) and he's probably my best friend, at least out of the new ones. I'm thinking of becoming friends with his brother Patrick, even though he tells me not to.

Anyway I am signing off. My dog woke up again. Can someone e-mail me about why he won't listen?

More about the guy.

First off, the guy who stalked me was creepy because he had a really ugly beard. I mean, who doesn't want to shave normally? I shave every morning even the mornings when my hair decided to stay in bed awhile longer. This guy was just a prickly mess. He was like a man with brillo pads on his face (is brillo pads trademarked... do I have to pay them? Someone e-mail me and tell me if I owe money).

I met him at a bar, which is crazy because I don't even drink very often! I only drink like NEVER (sorry for the caps). He asked me a question that I thought was weird.

The question was: "Have you ever put yourself in another dude?"

I thought he was talking about like hiding in a man's stomach, which I thought was pretty funny. I laughed, and then he laughed. And then he said, "I know, right?"

My "Creeper Alarm" is what went off here but then I gave him my phone number because he asked for it.

I'll tell more later, right now I need to finish this juice and put my dog to bed.

It's been awhile everybody so things are going to change around here.

Hello and this is Parnell and I'm going to talk about why smoking is good if someone is stalking you.

If you are being stalked, you can turn the people you think are stalking you on to smoking! I have been stalked recently (sorry I didn't post while I was scared about that but really that was scary!) and I gave the man that I thought maybe was following me a pack of Marlboro Reds, which my friend Don-Don calls "Cowboy Killers" (they don't only kill cowboys but you already knew that). I found at least twelve cigarettes of the same kind sitting outside my window!

The man is now in jail and I can resume regular blogging. I don't want to get naked in front of windows ever again. Maybe you shouldn't, either.

Friday, March 7, 2008


A lot of people sent me questions about the signet dirt that Dungeons and Dragons players keep in their pockets most of the time. I am here to tell you that this is a very true and real thing, so please keep that in mind.

Dungeons and Dragons players are very sad people most of the time. I think it is because it is hard for them to find people to play with, especially if they are not Dungeon Masters and they have to find someone to build an entire world for free which is not a very easy task! Signet dirt is the tie that binds these boys and girls together, everybody.

"Oh," you say. "I'm playing poker all the time and I don't need no vibrating dirt in my pants to find nobody to play with!", you say. Well, that is a bunch of garbage to say if you are thinking of saying that, because poker is on television. Poker is very popular, and everybody from sailors to black people to the president of the United States plays poker, mostly because it enhances drunkenness due to the patterns of cards flashing by, and the effect that has on an intoxicated brain.


Every Dungons and Dragon kit comes with enough signet dirt to find at least three nearby players within a 500 foot radius, and it vibrates harder the closer you get. My friend who explained this to me (he is black by the way which totally makes the last post even more confusing to me) said that some people misuse the vibration feature of the dirt, and he made an ugly face when he said it. I guess I'll have to do more research because he wouldn't explain that part to me.

Thursday, March 6, 2008


Dungeons and Dragons is a game with both dungeons and dragons, and everybody already knows that! I am here to dig much deeper into the role-playing game genre than that. Most websites, now that the creator of Dungeons and Dragons is dead, just go ahead and say, "many people enjoyed Mr. Gygax's dungeons and he died a deeply unhappy man." I'm here to dig so much deeper people, no fooling around at all.

First off, there are some common misconceptions about what is wrong with Dungeons and Dragons players. Here are five of them. These are the top five, so keep that in mind:

5. Dungeons and dragons players wear pointy black hats and always carry around dirt in their pockets for spell-casting. This fact is both true and false. Dungeons and Dragons players often carry signet dirt in their pockets, which vibrates when in the vicinity of other people who are carrying the same substance. This is so it is easy to find people to play with. It is not, however, a necessary part of the game. As for the pointy hats, well, you'll have to ask a player! I heard it was changed in the second-to-latest rulebook, but hat choices are not to be spoken of to non-players.

4. Mothers are not allowed to play Dungeons and Dragons. False! False, false, false, and I can tell you why, because there are female characters in Dungeons and Dragons! But you can't quest if you're pregnant.

3. There are no black people in Dungeons and Dragons. I had to call up an old friend about this one because he was black. He said that black people do not play this game. I guess I will have to give this a very loose "True". I think his answer was suspicious.

2. Dungeons and Dragons Dungeon Masters are paid minimum wage for their efforts by Wizards of the Coast, Inc. True! Most Dungeon Masters consider this a myth, because they are embarrassed to admit that they love Gary Gygax and Dungeons and Dragons so much that they work for free. When Dungeons and Dragons was invented, Gary Gygax thought nobody would work so hard to run a game for other people, so he saved up some money to pay people with. There are some weird rumors as to why so many Dungeon Masters work for free but I think they are not all-ages appropriate.

1. Dungeons and Dragons causes real fires. False! A similar game, Vampire: The Masquerade, is notorious for sparking fires during play when the pages of the rulebook are turned too quickly. However, Dungeons and Dragons books have never been recorded to set off a similar reaction.

I hope this was very informative.