DUSTY

A lot of people sent me questions about the signet dirt that Dungeons and Dragons players keep in their pockets most of the time. I am here to tell you that this is a very true and real thing, so please keep that in mind.

Dungeons and Dragons players are very sad people most of the time. I think it is because it is hard for them to find people to play with, especially if they are not Dungeon Masters and they have to find someone to build an entire world for free which is not a very easy task! Signet dirt is the tie that binds these boys and girls together, everybody.

"Oh," you say. "I'm playing poker all the time and I don't need no vibrating dirt in my pants to find nobody to play with!", you say. Well, that is a bunch of garbage to say if you are thinking of saying that, because poker is on television. Poker is very popular, and everybody from sailors to black people to the president of the United States plays poker, mostly because it enhances drunkenness due to the patterns of cards flashing by, and the effect that has on an intoxicated brain.

Anyway.

Every Dungons and Dragon kit comes with enough signet dirt to find at least three nearby players within a 500 foot radius, and it vibrates harder the closer you get. My friend who explained this to me (he is black by the way which totally makes the last post even more confusing to me) said that some people misuse the vibration feature of the dirt, and he made an ugly face when he said it. I guess I'll have to do more research because he wouldn't explain that part to me.

DUNGEONS

Dungeons and Dragons is a game with both dungeons and dragons, and everybody already knows that! I am here to dig much deeper into the role-playing game genre than that. Most websites, now that the creator of Dungeons and Dragons is dead, just go ahead and say, "many people enjoyed Mr. Gygax's dungeons and he died a deeply unhappy man." I'm here to dig so much deeper people, no fooling around at all.

First off, there are some common misconceptions about what is wrong with Dungeons and Dragons players. Here are five of them. These are the top five, so keep that in mind:

5. Dungeons and dragons players wear pointy black hats and always carry around dirt in their pockets for spell-casting. This fact is both true and false. Dungeons and Dragons players often carry signet dirt in their pockets, which vibrates when in the vicinity of other people who are carrying the same substance. This is so it is easy to find people to play with. It is not, however, a necessary part of the game. As for the pointy hats, well, you'll have to ask a player! I heard it was changed in the second-to-latest rulebook, but hat choices are not to be spoken of to non-players.

4. Mothers are not allowed to play Dungeons and Dragons. False! False, false, false, and I can tell you why, because there are female characters in Dungeons and Dragons! But you can't quest if you're pregnant.

3. There are no black people in Dungeons and Dragons. I had to call up an old friend about this one because he was black. He said that black people do not play this game. I guess I will have to give this a very loose "True". I think his answer was suspicious.

2. Dungeons and Dragons Dungeon Masters are paid minimum wage for their efforts by Wizards of the Coast, Inc. True! Most Dungeon Masters consider this a myth, because they are embarrassed to admit that they love Gary Gygax and Dungeons and Dragons so much that they work for free. When Dungeons and Dragons was invented, Gary Gygax thought nobody would work so hard to run a game for other people, so he saved up some money to pay people with. There are some weird rumors as to why so many Dungeon Masters work for free but I think they are not all-ages appropriate.

1. Dungeons and Dragons causes real fires. False! A similar game, Vampire: The Masquerade, is notorious for sparking fires during play when the pages of the rulebook are turned too quickly. However, Dungeons and Dragons books have never been recorded to set off a similar reaction.

I hope this was very informative.

WEEK

I think I'm going to stop doing entire weeks about stuff, but just cover the whole internet in whatever posts I come up with, plus I take requests. I don't want to write about bombs, though.

I think I'm going to write about Dungeons and Dragons, as long as I don't find about about too much creepy weirdo stuff while I research today.

DEAD

I just heard that Mr. Gary D. Gygax (middle name is Dunjinn, that's why he made the game, that's what I just read, I think it is Arab but he is white anyways) is dead. The game is Dungeons and Dragons, and I know people who used to play it. So that is sad!

SORRY

I'm really sorry to admit this but Ricky and Randall are not real people and I'm sorry.

I wanted to make my life look like drama and it was a mistake. I was watching too much T.V., which made me feel like there were pills in my head. I'm a really boring guy so I'm sorry for everybody who had to go through worrying about me. I've never met anybody who put needles in their skin in my life. So I'm sorry for lying, and I'll get whatever comes to people who lie. I'm really sorry.

Maybe now I can blog again, since I don't have to live with knowing I'm a liar anymore.

In other news, there is peace on earth!

JUST JOKING!

(That is a joke that my father used to tell. I hope he still remembers it.)

WANKER

Wanker is a slang from the British. It is the kind of slang that the Brits (that is what they're called when they talk about themselves) use to refer to men who are "wankish" or "groggy" or "rippin' bangers" (which are all other terms that all refer to jerks). I have been thinking about this term because I would like to popularize it in this country.

Bangers are sausages. In Britain they eat them with eggs and beans (!) and tea.

I just thought you people would like to know.

DANCER

It is WORK WEEK here at BE CAREFUL ON THE INTERNET. So you don't have to look up anything about working on the normal internet, our little safe internet will cover WORKING.

Look at the old man go! He is what they call a professional dancer. He is a dance machine, and he is very old, and he even might get paid for it.

Everybody calls male professional dancers things like "Foo-Foo Charlies," and I will tell you all about how they kick very high: they kick like a ninja, right up into your face. They can do things like write comic books, fire assault weapons, and chew tobacco just as well as the next man. One thing they cannot do is give birth.

So!!

Professional Male Dancers: Represent!!

Sorry for the ninja joke earlier. I was making an unabashed attempt at having that big ninja internet fan crowd start using our website instead of theirs.

That picture reminds me that being a hip-hopper is also a job.

Hip hoppers are people who get very worked up about things like wielding pistols and having opinions about police officers. There is a back-up profession that involves making music happen behind them when they decide to start talking. It is a pretty good racket.