BE CAREFUL ON THE INTERNET

ComPLETEly gross!!

2008-08-18T22:39:00.000-07:00

Do you guys remember my friend Russ from a few months ago? I call him Russ-From-Upstairs now, because we live in the same house and don't talk to each other much anymore. I heard him watching Hardcore Pornography upstairs and he had it on so loud that it woke me and my dog up and really gave me the willies until I could figure out what it was!

I knocked on his door but he just put down the volume and pretended I wasn't there. WELL EVERYBODY KNOWS NOW, RUSS-FROM-UPSTAIRS.

I got an e-mail everybody!!

2008-08-18T21:44:00.000-07:00

Guys,

Here is the e-mail I just recently received thanks to my post asking about sleeping dogs:

"hey parnell

you should tuck him in. does he only wake up when you are making noises though?

Don-Don"

Thanks for typing in, "Don-Don"! As a "Friend of the Blog," "Don-Don," you know that I always tuck my dog in. And he always gets up! I told him that 9PM was his bedtime (Central Time). He still gets up.

Good point about making noises at the dog. I actually only do that when I want to see if he's only pretending to sleep. I am pretty sure he does that sometimes just to make me mad about something! Especially when I don't give him the dog treats that are his favorite!

Thanks for writing in, "Don-Don"!

This is Parnell, Signing Off!

About something else everybody.

2008-08-18T21:31:00.000-07:00

I am tired of talking about the ordeal that I had. I'm back into the public, so let's get crackin' on that, people!

I met a new friend (NOT a stalker thank you very much) named Don-Don, who I mentioned was the one who gave me the idea to give cigarettes to the stalker. Don-Don is called that even though none of his names are Don (his name is Donald)! He makes great food most of the time, and he's very nice to his family except for his brother Patrick.

He's 33 years old (I am not that old yet!) and he's probably my best friend, at least out of the new ones. I'm thinking of becoming friends with his brother Patrick, even though he tells me not to.

Anyway I am signing off. My dog woke up again. Can someone e-mail me about why he won't listen?

More about the guy.

2008-08-18T19:04:00.000-07:00

First off, the guy who stalked me was creepy because he had a really ugly beard. I mean, who doesn't want to shave normally? I shave every morning even the mornings when my hair decided to stay in bed awhile longer. This guy was just a prickly mess. He was like a man with brillo pads on his face (is brillo pads trademarked... do I have to pay them? Someone e-mail me and tell me if I owe money).

I met him at a bar, which is crazy because I don't even drink very often! I only drink like NEVER (sorry for the caps). He asked me a question that I thought was weird.

The question was: "Have you ever put yourself in another dude?"

I thought he was talking about like hiding in a man's stomach, which I thought was pretty funny. I laughed, and then he laughed. And then he said, "I know, right?"

My "Creeper Alarm" is what went off here but then I gave him my phone number because he asked for it.

I'll tell more later, right now I need to finish this juice and put my dog to bed.

It's been awhile everybody so things are going to change around here.

2008-08-18T19:01:00.000-07:00

Hello and this is Parnell and I'm going to talk about why smoking is good if someone is stalking you.

If you are being stalked, you can turn the people you think are stalking you on to smoking! I have been stalked recently (sorry I didn't post while I was scared about that but really that was scary!) and I gave the man that I thought maybe was following me a pack of Marlboro Reds, which my friend Don-Don calls "Cowboy Killers" (they don't only kill cowboys but you already knew that). I found at least twelve cigarettes of the same kind sitting outside my window!

The man is now in jail and I can resume regular blogging. I don't want to get naked in front of windows ever again. Maybe you shouldn't, either.

DUSTY

2008-03-07T08:02:00.001-08:00

A lot of people sent me questions about the signet dirt that Dungeons and Dragons players keep in their pockets most of the time. I am here to tell you that this is a very true and real thing, so please keep that in mind.

Dungeons and Dragons players are very sad people most of the time. I think it is because it is hard for them to find people to play with, especially if they are not Dungeon Masters and they have to find someone to build an entire world for free which is not a very easy task! Signet dirt is the tie that binds these boys and girls together, everybody.

"Oh," you say. "I'm playing poker all the time and I don't need no vibrating dirt in my pants to find nobody to play with!", you say. Well, that is a bunch of garbage to say if you are thinking of saying that, because poker is on television. Poker is very popular, and everybody from sailors to black people to the president of the United States plays poker, mostly because it enhances drunkenness due to the patterns of cards flashing by, and the effect that has on an intoxicated brain.

Anyway.

Every Dungons and Dragon kit comes with enough signet dirt to find at least three nearby players within a 500 foot radius, and it vibrates harder the closer you get. My friend who explained this to me (he is black by the way which totally makes the last post even more confusing to me) said that some people misuse the vibration feature of the dirt, and he made an ugly face when he said it. I guess I'll have to do more research because he wouldn't explain that part to me.

DUNGEONS

2008-03-06T11:46:00.000-08:00

Dungeons and Dragons is a game with both dungeons and dragons, and everybody already knows that! I am here to dig much deeper into the role-playing game genre than that. Most websites, now that the creator of Dungeons and Dragons is dead, just go ahead and say, "many people enjoyed Mr. Gygax's dungeons and he died a deeply unhappy man." I'm here to dig so much deeper people, no fooling around at all.

First off, there are some common misconceptions about what is wrong with Dungeons and Dragons players. Here are five of them. These are the top five, so keep that in mind:

5. Dungeons and dragons players wear pointy black hats and always carry around dirt in their pockets for spell-casting. This fact is both true and false. Dungeons and Dragons players often carry signet dirt in their pockets, which vibrates when in the vicinity of other people who are carrying the same substance. This is so it is easy to find people to play with. It is not, however, a necessary part of the game. As for the pointy hats, well, you'll have to ask a player! I heard it was changed in the second-to-latest rulebook, but hat choices are not to be spoken of to non-players.

4. Mothers are not allowed to play Dungeons and Dragons. False! False, false, false, and I can tell you why, because there are female characters in Dungeons and Dragons! But you can't quest if you're pregnant.

3. There are no black people in Dungeons and Dragons. I had to call up an old friend about this one because he was black. He said that black people do not play this game. I guess I will have to give this a very loose "True". I think his answer was suspicious.

2. Dungeons and Dragons Dungeon Masters are paid minimum wage for their efforts by Wizards of the Coast, Inc. True! Most Dungeon Masters consider this a myth, because they are embarrassed to admit that they love Gary Gygax and Dungeons and Dragons so much that they work for free. When Dungeons and Dragons was invented, Gary Gygax thought nobody would work so hard to run a game for other people, so he saved up some money to pay people with. There are some weird rumors as to why so many Dungeon Masters work for free but I think they are not all-ages appropriate.

1. Dungeons and Dragons causes real fires. False! A similar game, Vampire: The Masquerade, is notorious for sparking fires during play when the pages of the rulebook are turned too quickly. However, Dungeons and Dragons books have never been recorded to set off a similar reaction.

I hope this was very informative.

WEEK

2008-03-04T12:01:00.000-08:00

I think I'm going to stop doing entire weeks about stuff, but just cover the whole internet in whatever posts I come up with, plus I take requests. I don't want to write about bombs, though.

I think I'm going to write about Dungeons and Dragons, as long as I don't find about about too much creepy weirdo stuff while I research today.

DEAD

2008-03-04T12:00:00.001-08:00

I just heard that Mr. Gary D. Gygax (middle name is Dunjinn, that's why he made the game, that's what I just read, I think it is Arab but he is white anyways) is dead. The game is Dungeons and Dragons, and I know people who used to play it. So that is sad!

SORRY

2008-03-03T17:28:00.001-08:00

I'm really sorry to admit this but Ricky and Randall are not real people and I'm sorry.

I wanted to make my life look like drama and it was a mistake. I was watching too much T.V., which made me feel like there were pills in my head. I'm a really boring guy so I'm sorry for everybody who had to go through worrying about me. I've never met anybody who put needles in their skin in my life. So I'm sorry for lying, and I'll get whatever comes to people who lie. I'm really sorry.

Maybe now I can blog again, since I don't have to live with knowing I'm a liar anymore.

In other news, there is peace on earth!

JUST JOKING!

(That is a joke that my father used to tell. I hope he still remembers it.)

WANKER

2008-01-17T00:06:00.000-08:00

Wanker is a slang from the British. It is the kind of slang that the Brits (that is what they're called when they talk about themselves) use to refer to men who are "wankish" or "groggy" or "rippin' bangers" (which are all other terms that all refer to jerks). I have been thinking about this term because I would like to popularize it in this country.

Bangers are sausages. In Britain they eat them with eggs and beans (!) and tea.

I just thought you people would like to know.

DANCER

2008-01-15T02:07:00.000-08:00

It is WORK WEEK here at BE CAREFUL ON THE INTERNET. So you don't have to look up anything about working on the normal internet, our little safe internet will cover WORKING.

Look at the old man go! He is what they call a professional dancer. He is a dance machine, and he is very old, and he even might get paid for it.

Everybody calls male professional dancers things like "Foo-Foo Charlies," and I will tell you all about how they kick very high: they kick like a ninja, right up into your face. They can do things like write comic books, fire assault weapons, and chew tobacco just as well as the next man. One thing they cannot do is give birth.

So!!

Professional Male Dancers: Represent!!

Sorry for the ninja joke earlier. I was making an unabashed attempt at having that big ninja internet fan crowd start using our website instead of theirs.

That picture reminds me that being a hip-hopper is also a job.

Hip hoppers are people who get very worked up about things like wielding pistols and having opinions about police officers. There is a back-up profession that involves making music happen behind them when they decide to start talking. It is a pretty good racket.

Ricky's Corner # 2

2008-01-14T23:04:00.001-08:00

hey its ricky ladies and there is tons of stuff for you to read

i wrote this comic girls and boys so buckle up

BE CAREFUL ON THE INTERNET COMICS
By Randall and rickkkkkyyyyyy too

#1: Let's Talk About Working In Germany

PANEL 1
We are looking at a poster of Germany. Look at Germany. Parnell is pointing at it.
PARNELL: You could go to Germany and teach rock climbing!

PANEL 2
PARNELL: The last time I tried to go rock climbing, the instructor took away my climbing apparati because I was acting like a fool.
That is exactly what he said, he said, "Parnell, you are acting like a fool."

PANEL 3
Flashback. Parnell is younger. He is being admonished by his rock climbing teacher, who probably has a beard.
ROCK CLIMBING TEACHER: Give me your climbing gear right this moment, young man.
CAPTION: This is a flashback, by the way.

PANEL 4
Back to Parnell, the Germany poster, all of that crap.
PARNELL: I was seventeen at the time, so he was accurate in saying that I was a young man at the time.

PANEL 5
Parnell is shooting up in front of his mother.
PARNELL: This made me so sad that I am doing tons of drugs in front of my mother.

PANEL 6
Parnell's mother is crying.
PARNELL'S MOTHER: I am watching my son, my alive, breathing, living son, throwing his life away!
Nooooo!

pretty good huh? im glad as fuck that im in the goddamn house, bringing it down with heavy ass shit like this

well

me and my buddy randall

ARGH

2008-01-14T20:14:00.000-08:00

I can't believe this. I get all ready to post about some more great Jobs For Germans and what do I find happening to my website but my SINGLE WORST NIGHTMARE.

Ricky even used a swear in that ugly post before this!!

I am so mad I am going to polish off an entire cake by myself.

I am just joking so don't call the hospial

ARGH!!

Ricky's Corner # 1

2008-01-14T19:16:00.000-08:00

okay boys and girls this is rickys corner

so this is about the internet? heh well boys and girls get ready for one wild ride with ricky. ill tell you all a few things about myself boys

first off the url is becarefulontheinternet.blogspot.com. i dont remember ever typing it in i must have clicked something somewhere that got me here. russ got me all hooked up you know.

so this morning the sun came right the fuck up did it not? i am sure it did even though i was plugged up in the closet

heh heh

that sun tends to rise each morning except for in alaska where those vampires keep everybody up alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll night boys and girls. they have at least thirty days of it in one spot boys and im not sure where i came about that information but im gladde to share it with you right here

things were looking very dirty in my house so i prufer it when its dark. my man parnell he could tell you a thing or two!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

alright it was nice spending the weekend here with you guy sor whatever so im going to get the hell out of here

pease

WAIT

2008-01-14T19:13:00.001-08:00

Russ' mom just called. She said that we need to eliminate all references to Black Men on these pages. I am starting to think there is something fishy about her.

BLACKS

2008-01-14T18:50:00.000-08:00

Oh my god. Russ' mom just informed me that this link was on our page, in the section with the advertisements (I need to buy a book on the internet, which is why we have those so sorry about that everybody).

Black Man Muscle
Bargain Prices.

Smart Deals.
Save on Black Man Muscle!

I am very displeased with this. There are men working their bums off trying to work hard, doing things like teaching people how to climb rocks, and people are just buying their Black Man Muscle off of the internet. This is the kind of reason why this website exists. We celebrate hard work, like what those Germans did that I have mentioned so far for WORK WEEK.

Please do not buy Black Man Muscle.

NO

2008-01-14T16:35:00.000-08:00

Ricky from the comments section is now fired from the comments on this website too, for letting Randall cheat and make comments under his name.

But back to German jobs!

I forgot to post a cool picture of rock climbing for you fans of information out there. So far I haven't researched out any cool ones.

There are many other German jobs to choose from. One involves milk, but I don't want to spoil it for you!

GERMANS

2008-01-14T16:20:00.000-08:00

We have to get pretty specific here on BE CAREFUL ON THE INTERNET sometimes, so that we can best serve you, the audience (that's you!). We know that the internet -- the real, scary, bigger internet that this website serves to keep you the heck away from -- is a very international place. So here are jobs that Germans might have!

I have not been to Germany, but in my research I have discovered that there is rock-climbing to be had. Russ said "I don't believe in rock climbing, do you." I think he just said that because his mom has always held rock climbing in a very negative light. I told him that, and he said, "What the hell."

You could go to Germany and teach rock climbing!!

The last time I tried to go rock-climbing, the instructor took away my climbing apparati because I was acting like a fool. That is exactly what he said, "Parnell, you are acting like a fool, so give me your climbing gear right this moment young man." I was seventeen at the time, so he was accurate in saying that I was a young man at the time.

P.S. Randall is a huge jerk, he is from the comments section. Don't talk to him, he will cause trouble.

BYE

2008-01-14T12:55:00.000-08:00

Bye to dogs, that is!!

I think, now that Monday has arrived, that you guys are no longer interested in dogs. I sure am not!

The new subject for our little archive of fresh information here, is not an animal at all, I can promise you that. It also isn't about computers (Russ why are you making everybody so confused about computers on here!).

It's all about having a job! (Is it okay to talk about having a job, Russ?) If you need to look up information on what it is like to have a job, don't use the internet, because BE CAREFUL ON THE INTERNET has you covered, with all the information you could need. Don't get your information to an identity-stealer by using unsafe websites (which is pretty much every one but this one, almost). If you want to be a working man and want to learn what it could be like if you were, please join us for these next few informative posts on the subject!!

Please tell your friends all about this, if they are looking for information on jobs, too!!

2008-01-11T18:53:00.002-08:00

I think I got the code wrong in the first one I think. We all make mistakes. I got it working now.

The first one \\ the one on the top \\ is my old site from before this site. It was Cybertropolis (C) and I was Cyber Police Squad or the PCS. I liked the internet alot back then.

The second one \\ the one on the bottom \\ is what happened to me. I had to update Microsoft (R) IE.exe and then my site crashed with viruss. Thats about the time I figured out how dangerous internet was. So now we have this site. What would you have done.

oldsite

2008-01-11T18:53:00.001-08:00

oldsite
Originally uploaded by becarefulontheinternet

oldsite2

2008-01-11T18:52:00.001-08:00

oldsite2
Originally uploaded by becarefulontheinternet

2008-01-11T18:47:00.000-08:00

<%imgage1 = "oldsite1">

<%imgage2 = "oldsite2">

2008-01-11T18:29:00.000-08:00

Okay I'm 93% sure I got our website synced to the Flicker database. I was going to tell you sooner and test but it was shower time.

So let me run some test.

Flickr

2008-01-11T17:10:00.003-08:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

Flickr

2008-01-11T17:10:00.001-08:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

WOW

2008-01-10T22:30:00.000-08:00

Well, I just got sent this one!!

I'll be damned (sorry for swearing, but this is too much to handle!).

DOGAMES

2008-01-10T22:26:00.001-08:00

hehe I am proud of that title!!

I have a Playstation 2 and I am always looking for games about dogs for it.

Here is one. A Dog's Life. It isn't very good, so if you were looking for games about dogs when you came to this website, well, I can tell you right now to stay away from this one.

I don't play Pokemon, but I do play lots of Monopoly. I suggest you pick that one up instead, even if it isn't a dog game.

(Sorry if the Pokemon box is confusing, there are just so many variations and this was the first picture I found.)

JOKE

2008-01-10T21:59:00.001-08:00

I have a joke about dogs.

My father once called for a van, and the man driving it never showed up. A dog did, though. The dog was driving the van!

Beep beep!

-------------------

Here is another one.

Three dogs walked through the zoo, and got precisely hungry. They ate each cat in the zoo in just such a manner (precise). This was because dogs and cats traditionally do not get along.

One of the cats said, "Why are you dogs eating myself and all my feline friends?"

In unison, the dogs said, "We must eat something, and we have made friends with the rest of the animals. As we go about our merry way, we have found that only you felines seem like a distinctly appetising meal."
(I spelled appetizing with an "s" because these are British dogs, so please don't write me about the mistake.)

The dogs then paused, and thought over their eating habits. While they did this, the cat said, "Have you discovered your purpose in life?"

In unison, the dogs said, "No, we have not, but we do not feel as though we should be eating one such as you, who has made such good company for us."

The cat's eyes glimmered deviously. "Come into my cage," the cat said.

"We shall," the dogs said.

The cat locked the door, right after the dogs entered, and ate them with four big gulps.

I guess that was more of a story than a joke. My dad told me that one, too. He said it was an allegory, which I thought was a funny word for a limerick at the time, but I was just a dumb little kid! I now know that "allegory" means "something that is very alike to another thing."

-----------------------

Why did the Jack Russell Terrier cross the road?

We don't do "cross the road" jokes here!

That was a little bit of what is called "anti-humor," so you don't have to bother looking it up.

---------

Thank you for your time.

GUMBO

2008-01-10T20:25:00.000-08:00

We are going to take a real quick break from all of this dog nonsense (I love them but I am tired of writing about them) and talk about what is probably my favorite food to eat!

Gumbo!

I've never seen Gumbo that looked like this in real life. I usually like a little bit of pizza sauce in mine.

Gumbo is a dish you may want to look up on the normal internet, so I don't see anything wrong with running an article about it here.

Gumbo is made with sausage, vegetable broth, and whatever vegetables you can find, and when my mom used to cook it, she used pizza sauce. Grandpa Harman (R.I.P.) used to be pretty peeved about that little addition.

I hope some of you readers will send in new recipies about gumbo and similar dishes, but wait until FOOD WEEK or something like that, okay? We are writing about dogs now. I was just hungry for gumbo when I wrote this, I promise I'll stay on topic next time.

I would post a picture of a full-grown German Shephard to stay on topic but I don't want you to think "mmm, food," and then, "mmm, dog in my food, wait what?" and boycott this page!!

RUSS

2008-01-10T20:16:00.000-08:00

Okay, I must explain.

Russ did not mean to make the post below, he completely messed up really bad and instead of making a real reply in the comments section of the last post, he made a new post when he replied, and now the site is really ugly!

I'm sorry for the unprofessional start. I promise you that Russ is a great addition to everything we are trying to do.

In other news, we have German Shephards here!

Not at my house, but outside. A man is walking one by. it is a puppy, and the German Shephard puppies look a lot like the one above, instad of being normal shephards, when it comes to their look.

I am very tired, can you tell from this post!?!?!?!? And STRESSED

I hope Russ gets a hang of things soon, he is usually so smart about this stuff.

2008-01-10T20:14:00.000-08:00

I don't know man. You been doing this longer.

HUH

2008-01-10T19:45:00.001-08:00

We are still figuring out all the kinks. I think we will have a real improvement when we figure out how to get Russ up on here, you just wait!!

Our dog here is really excited for Russ to start doing some of those internet super-heroics we all know he is capable of!!

HEY

2008-01-10T19:34:00.001-08:00

My buddy who I have been talking about pretty often, who I often like to say is named "Mr. Computer Science" as a joke, is really named Russ (no last names, our internet is safe).

He is coming to this website!! He's really smart, and his work is purely phenomenal. His computer skills in building our safe, small, protected internet are going to be competely without peer. Russ might be afraid of some silly stuff, but his fear of the internet is paramount.

I am trying to learn how to get an account set up for him. Any tips, readers?

Thanks!

CAREFUL

2008-01-10T19:12:00.000-08:00

Mean dogs!

Ouch!!

BARK

2008-01-10T17:24:00.000-08:00

There are many types of terriers. Terriers are a dog that is pretty small, and they are nice to keep in apartments. Mine knocked over my lamp when I was a kid, and that was messed up!

! N ! E ! W ! S ! F ! L ! A ! S ! H !

Someone just sent me a terrible article, and I didn't even ask for it. BE CAREFUL ON THE INTERNET cannot come soon enough. I am completely tired of having to work so hard to avoid being scared. The article is here and don't click it unless you're ready for it, okay?

! E ! N ! D ! ! O ! F ! N ! ! E ! W ! S ! F ! L ! A ! S ! H !

Alright, back to terriers (should that be capitalized?). They are small dogs, except for a few larger ones that are mutts who were mated upon by larger dogs (those do not count as terriers but I don't think we should disinclude them just because of that). If you don't know what one looks like and have been looking for one online, well do I have a treat!

These are Jack Russell Terriers. They are the best dogs. My mother used to have them, and I think they were sent to the pound but don't be sad, people love adopting these and you should too!

My New Year's Resolution was to inform everybody about how great these dogs are. They can capture rats and other small animals. They can bark louder than you can! They are so talented and I'm glad that you decided to check BE CAREFUL ON THE INTERNET to learn about them. We are at least for this week the premier Jack Russell Terrier website.

We also love other terriers, dogs, and every canine under the sun.

Stay tuned!

WAIT

2008-01-09T12:00:00.000-08:00

Okay, I must clarify something with my audience (that's you).

I do not "love" Mr. Computer Science that was a typo.

I also am not going to write about cats, only dogs, so please don't write in about them just because I had a picture with a cat rubbing up in a dog's face. It was cute, and cats are cute, but we have to stay on topic here at BE CAREFUL ON THE INTERNET.

Thank you for your understanding, patience, and virtues.

Here is a very good crayon drawing of a dog that you might have wanted to look up, by the way. I think it is some kind of German dog.

NEWS

2008-01-09T11:51:00.001-08:00

BIG NEWS

My buddy who I love with decided he wanted to get together and maybe actually help my new version of the internet become something real. Right now he is working hard to stay away from the normal internet and because of that he never saw this blog!

I said, "hey Mr. Computer Science you are supposed to help me with this blog!"

And he said, "I'm being careful on the internet so I haven't read any blogs man, what do you think this is."

I am very glad he has decided to stay on message but he even forgot to check this blog!

It is hard to keep people who are Mr. Computer Science off the normal internet so I am proud that this project has started off on the right foot. The first subject I want to talk about on our mini-safe internet is something I like to look up very often: dogs. We are going to learn all about them over the next couple days so you don't have to look them up at nasty places.

"Ruff, ruff!'

"Meoowwwww!"

THANKS

2008-01-08T12:43:00.000-08:00

I have to throw out some thanks in a really begrudging manner to that website you should avoid for bringing some audience members to my first step towards creating the internet that is safer.

I fixed my keyboard up nice, so I'm all ready to get online and start having some real fun with you guys. Not in that way because this is the safe internet.

I know some of you are wondering why I can operate a real-nice hyperlink but can't figure out how to edit these stupid posts! Well, first off, I'm pretty well near color-blind.

Just kidding!

I don't know what it is. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough.

MAN

2008-01-08T11:09:00.000-08:00

I think I misspelled some stuff and I still don't know how to edit.

What happens when someone walks up to my computer and puts a really nasty picture of a woman and a man on here, and I don't know how to edit it? I cannot find books on how to edit posts. I might have to use the nasty old internet instead, and I'm pretty unhappy about that.

SO OUR FIRST SUBJECT IS TODAY!

I know we already talked about bats a little, and that was pretty fun even if that website was way ugly 999999999999999999999999999

alright my backspace key and my 9999999999999999999999999999 argh the number between 8 and 0 key are not working properly and im really mad right now so hold on and if you found me through that scary website {hi readers i hope you enjoy this i cant use the paranthesis normally because it is on the broken key} and you are waiting for a new post i will be back in a few minutes sorry

ALRIGHT

2008-01-08T10:54:00.000-08:00

So, my name is Parnell, and there is a new way to be safe on the internet.

This blog!

Remember when people wanted to keep their identities all hidden, because rapists were going to jump through AOL chat and rape them? Now it is just children on PictoChat in malls getting drawings of really veiny penises that we're supposed to be completely afraid of, and they forgot to keep warning us about rapists.

See, I just reminded you about internet rapists and how strong they can be. If you were not reading this blog you would not be as safe. That's what we at BE CAREFUL ON THE INTERNET are here to get you up on: safety!

Internet tips are only the first step of the iceberg. There will be huge changes coming, if I can get my friend who lives with me -- we call him "Mr. Computer Science" -- to make us a better website. Here's the thing, we're starting with a guide, then we're gong to save you from the internet by building our own internet!

Look, if you want to look up movies and end up seeing a picture of a guy with a pretty big battery sticking out of his skull (I can't believe I even came up with that) instead of a picture of Johnny Depp singing about Sweeny Todd (have you seen that movie yet please tell me how it is in the comments section), then keep using other websites besides this one. Go be my guest.

Or you can just be my guest, and use the safe internet, first on this blog, and soon on a place probably also called BE CAREFUL ON THE INTERNET (I didn't hyperlink that because that websites doesn't exist yet because it would be different from this one) where you get everything that is cool about the normal internet except without dangerous websites where you can accidentally get information to rapists.

AAH

2008-01-08T00:55:00.000-08:00

That website I linked earlier was not a very good website, now that I've looked at it more instead of just laughing a whole bunch.

I'm really angry right now.

It's really late and I'm too tired to explain how I'm going to save the internet even though its not hard. I just might forget the whole thing! I'm probably lying but right now I'm really mad, like men often are. I've actually got a hairy chest, so don't even say what you're thinking.

I just wish I was in the future or getting more e-mails from people I like.

DARN

2008-01-08T00:37:00.000-08:00

O.K., so, first off, I put that picture in the wrong spot, the "blast-off!" with the text at the bottom you weren't supposed to read, so now my first post doesn't make sense and I don't know how to fix it.

I think I am going to put advertisements on this blog so I can get some money together to get a nice "how-to" book on how to do this stuff because I am right now very lost.

In the meantime in case you missed the link before, here is my favorite website about bats, which scared my friend bad.

OKAY

2008-01-08T00:18:00.000-08:00

Three!

Two!

One!

You can ignore the text about families and exploring, because that isn't what BE CAREFUL ON THE INTERNET is all about.

Ever since my grandpa died (R.I.P., Harman! I never called you that when you were alive so I hope I can now) I've been looking for great meanings in everything, especially the internet, which has always been pretty scary. I went and asked my friends what they were afraid of, and they all said the internet, except my housemate who said bats were much scarier, but that the internet was still very high on a scale of what is scary. So I want to make the internet a safer place for everybody. I'm a grown man now, and it's time I start using my skills to better the world.

As you can see, the world is a very large place!

There are lots of fun things in the world, but bad things, too. A man e-mailed me with pictures of beach balls covered in brown stuff that I'm pretty sure was mud but it was still kind of gross. I would have shown those pictures to my mom, in another lifetime.

I guess I didn't want to wait around for another lifetime anymore. I wanted real action, the kind hackers do, except I didn't want to break anything or get sent to jail, or have to learn how to do much, or anything like that. I can re-attach keys to my keyboard when they fall out, that's about the best techno work I've done in years!

So I'm here to save the internet, and I'll show you how.